The surgery was a success!

The only problem was when the nerve block wore off on my right arm and I felt the full pain of the surgery that had just been performed on me — surely the most excruciating pain I’ve experienced in this life. It was like someone was trying to pull and twist my hand right off, which sort of approximates what happened in surgery.

The procedure was called, I believe, an open reduction and fixation of the distal pole of the right radius. Essentially, they had to stretch my arm back to its original length, then join a crack in my arm-bone with a small plate and screws.

So yesterday I made sure to take a lot of pills so I wouldn’t feel that pain again, but today I’m amazed how much better it already feels. Something’s clearly been done in there, and I can feel that, but it also feels like everything’s lined up and working the way it should be again. So I feel very confident and happy at this point that I’m gonna get my right hand back the way it was before.

The left arm is ouchy, so I think there’s some stretched and sprained stuff in there. I don’t want to suggest that I left arm is any less important (I think it might be listening), but I do my work with my right hand so…

Today is my surgery.

Yesterday I received a stark reminder about the nature work, summed up in this Cantonese expression:

“Hands stop, mouth stops.”

I need my hands back.

Two days ago I was cycling to work, and as I made a left turn, my wheels got stuck in the streetcar tracks and I tumbled onto the road. My hands broke my fall, but the fall broke my wrists.

Ironically, I’d said just the night before that I wanted to be more empathetic of my father’s situation — but this is not what I had in mind!

Now I find myself totally dependent on other people, which is a real challenge, and a real learning experience. And I already loved Craig before, but now he’s risen to a whole new level of devotion, as he takes complete care of me. I’m very grateful.

Everyone at work has been incredibly supportive and has relieved me of any worries about my security, telling me just to take care of myself and heal. They also been wonderful about sending gifts, cards, and offering to help.

So instead of starting a new book, I’m having to look at a big open field ahead of — nothingness? Thinking? I’m not sure what to do with this space.

I’m also very well aware that our move is in just four weeks, so I won’t be through this process yet when that time comes.

It’s funny that my in-laws’ birthday card to me featured a cartoon saying “zero tasking”, showing a man sitting on a couch. Little did they know that that’s exactly what I’ll be doing right now!

But this is the challenge I have to take on, not to try to be ahead of where I am in this process, but to just relax, do nothing, and take care of my body, because it’s just been through a shock.

I go for surgery on Wednesday next week to put a plate into my wrist – the wrist of my drawing hand – so I’m nervous, but I’ve been assured that the hand program team here is exceedingly good, and I should regain all function.

Everything depends on that.

Hello. I realized the other day that I raised the alarm on social media about my dad, then never turned it off. I just don’t like being all dramatic and personal with my posts on those sites.

But he’s fine. (Phew!)

---

In other news, I got a bike for my birthday!

I made a zine about it. I just roughed it out in pencil, but because I spend so much of my time at work inking and finessing my cartoons, I decided I just like the rough-looking pencils, and I’m going to leave it like that.

I also want to lower the bar for making zines, so that making them doesn’t have to be a big, heavy production; I can just quickly express what’s on my mind.

Here are the panels for this zine.

…And here’s what it looks like, assembled:

I like to give things away. Sometimes that impulse makes me gasp, like this weekend when I bundled up an expensive pair of shoes and fed them to one of the city’s (very few) clothing donation boxes.

“Oh, but they were so expensive, and that’s rare for you.” But they were leather — recycled leather, but still, I know myself, and I know I don’t want to wear that, and won’t in the future.

Likewise, the area of Toronto where I work, Liberty Village, has just set up two library-boxes — a “leave one, take one”-type plan that’s become popular. So I dropped off some books Monday, and was going to put two in today, then paused on the last one:

I bought this back when I was taking workshops and learning how to be an organized person. Last night when I was packing my bag I put this in, thinking, “Oh, that stuff is so basic to me now,” but as I flipped through it, standing in front of the library-box, I remembered why I liked it so much: I love the promise and possibility of setting up new projects, and the dream of things going to plan. This book is full of brilliant tips and systems for managing personal and organizational projects. As Marie Kondo would say, it “sparks joy”.

So that was a close one. But still, I love the smell of burning bridges in the morning!

~

It seems wrong to not mention this, since it’s such a big thing, yet blogging about it feels crassly dramatic. I don’t really know how to process this event, except the way that I have — by drawing about it.

I spoke to Mom again last night, and it sounds like Dad’s okay, which is a relief. But it’s hard to be here just getting on with everyday things.

Somebody keeps leaving this smut in the hallway of our condo: