So the latest social media meme is to wear purple or turn your profile avatar purple today to support lesbian, gay, and transgender people, or to stop them being bullied, or to campaign against hate-based legislation, or… something.
Thank you — honestly — but I’m not doing it.
I know that seems like ingratitude in the face of massive goodwill. And I, too, feel endless compassion for people who are suffering. But I think this — like so many other Web-based campaigns — is pointless. It makes people feel good, like they’re doing something, but it’s an empty gesture, particularly on the Internet, where daily we face these endless, awful Facebook trends to “spam everyone with this message if you know anyone who’s had [insert dread disease]”. What bloody good does that do? (And don’t get me started on charity consumerism.)
I know the incredible pressure of being hated for being different in school. Those were years of psychological torture. And, like so many young gay people, I went through a period of suicidal depression because of it.
But here I am, and I am not going to be anyone’s victim. It helps no one.
- I survived, and I went on to have a happy, successful adult life. I’m surrounded by bright, open-minded people who love and respect me. Some of these I was blessed to have as my family, but I found the rest.
- I’ve found a wonderful partner whom I love, and I’m going to marry him. That’s the only item in my gay agenda (which has bugger-all to do with anyone else).
- In writing books, I’m trying to create pieces of culture to make people like me visible and relevant — the books I wish I’d had.
This is what I’m doing to make things different. I’m living. I am the person I hoped it was possible to be. When I was younger, I didn’t need pity; I needed to see this.
Focusing on being a victim, on people who hate us, on people who didn’t make it — that entrenches the reality we want to see disappear.
I’m not putting on a costume.
I am me. I am this person every day.
That is my triumph.
If you can be an example, be that. If you can love someone for who they are, do that.
Gradually, like rocks over water, our individual lives will change everything.
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