…Except that the article my friend sent me says that Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria goes hand-in-hand with ADD/ADHD, as it’s a neurological proclivity, not the result of past experience. I don’t think I have ADD/ADHD.
I really relate to the article’s description of the condition, though, and through the years I’ve been told countless times “You think too much” (which always bothered me, as it implied there’s an appropriate level of thought, and it’s low). I also seem to feel things unreasonably intensely.
So is it that I think too much, or that I feel too much?
Yes.
(Thankfully, these episodes also seem to pass quickly, although that often leaves me feeling silly for having reacted so strongly.)
I go back and forth on the trauma thing: My Landmark training would say that the past is the past, and I should just get over whatever stories I made up about it. But I recognize that there are situations where I just can’t do it; I’m just unreasonably sensitive to certain things, and it feels very much like this has to do with the past — especially as it relates to growing up in an atmosphere of homophobia (in school, not at home).
Between that and the nightmare of dating, I developed a bit of an “I’m going to leave you first” attitude. Through the years, I’ve seen this come up again and again for me with Strategic Coach, where I keep reaching for the “Eject” button on my chair, then later wonder “What was I thinking?”
It feels doubly unfortunate that I should be like this while also being someone who does creative work — which all involves, at some point, putting that work in front of other people, who will necessarily have a reaction to it. I just want to share with people who find joy in what I can do; I don’t want to fight with anyone or be hated.
