I’ve been talking with another indie publisher — someone whose efforts, results, and attitude I admire — about her appearing in an episode of my podcast.
In writing to her just now, I found myself spilling my guts about it all, and this made me realise that the brave face I put on about this stuff in the podcast doesn’t authentically reflect all of how I feel.
Yesterday I unsubscribed in exasperation from yet another indie publishing blog in which yet another person was calling out for gatekeepers to protect their precious work (using criteria for judgment that happens to favour their work) from the atrocious attempts by the leagues of amateurs and hopefuls. I just get so tired of all the babble out there by people, many of whom don’t actually write books themselves, and I have to cut off my exposure to it if I hope to ever create another novel.
Here’s what I wrote to my indie comrade:
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To be honest, I’m at that point when it’s been a long time since I’ve written a book, I’m looking at another one on the horizon, yet I’m equal parts hopeful and doubtful about the point of the whole thing. Not that I’d give up, but it makes me weary sometimes, swimming up Niagara Falls, and all that market-stuff messes with my sense of creative expression (“Be pleasing! Be acceptable! Be mainstream!”).
Some of the work is incredibly fun, and some of it I’m very proud of. Being a writer who’s written several books and learned to do all the production, too, is an incredible, exceptional feat. And on the other hand, it’s a kind of pointless thing to do and the world at large generally doesn’t give a crap about it. So how does one find the energy to start the process again? (Because it’s rewarding in so many ways and stopping is just not an option.)
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Then there’s the issue of time: The idea I have in mind involves doing some research. I’ve got a pile of books here to go through, but when? I work, I have a personal life I didn’t when I wrote the other books, and we’ve been having visitors and will continue to have more. Plus I’ve got the podcast, I’m trying to make books, and this week I’m going to be teaching two bookbinding classes.
Aaaargh!
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